Cancer patients are at a risk of losing more than their health. Their romantic relationships go through a hard time and eventually go up in smokes. It is sad to hear confessions from victims whose marriage collapsed due to the uninvited disease. Cancer affects relationships mainly in a negative way. The marriages do not break down due to infidelity or lack of passion but due to cancer. This is the time many patients need comfort and love from their spouses. Mary one of the cancer patients explains what happened when she was first diagnosed with breast cancer. The doctor in the room ordered her husband to give her a hug since she needed a shoulder to lean on.
When we state something as a fact that is really just our subjective viewpoint it can have the following impacts upon ourselves and others: 1. It can alienate people from us because their experience may not be the same as ours. Of course, people will always have different opinions about things, but when someone states theirs as if it is a fact, this can lead others to see them as rigid in their view of the world or not someone they want to engage with. For example: If I say: Working in this place is impossible, no-one pulls their finger out and the company is going down the pan. ... others may not have such a dim view of the company and may feel quite offended that I should make such a statement.
The primary rule of communication simply states that without understanding, communication is impossible. But if that's the rule, then how can we reach an understanding? I had a student come up to me once and ask how he could get people to understand him. I began to explain that people come to conversations from different levels and perspectives. "I already know all that, " he interrupted, "but how do I do it?" "Do what?" "Get them to my level." "What do you think I was about to say?" "That I have to bring people to my level." "Nope. In fact, that's the exact opposite of what I was saying. You can't expect people to come to your 'level.' You have to go to them.
The strategies we attempt to use for effective communication are filtered through our habits. Take a look at the arguments and frustrations you experience everyday. For most of us, 98% of them habitually breakdown in the same places. The breakdown points are intersections of a perceived outside trigger and our unconscious habits to react the way we do (visualize the co-worker who annoys you, your spouse's embarrassing behaviors, and the constant complaining of your children for a clearer picture). People don't think of their habits as possible sources of their conflicts, frustrations, and upset feelings. They never realize their habits are calling all the shots, giving orders like hit men to eliminate what threatens them.
Communication begins with understanding, so stop talking and start listening. Philosophers, psychologists and business professionals have all written endlessly about the power of listening. Your ability to listen determines your ability to influence and communicate. For one thing, when you fail to listen effectively, you often respond to situations with inaccurate information. I once went to McDonald's with a friend. We were racing to grab our dinner before watching a movie at his house. As we began pulling out of his drive, we realized that my car was blocking the way. So I jumped from his car, re-parked my car down the road a bit, and scrambled back into his passenger seat.
Whenever people discover that I teach classes in effective listening, they immediately joke about signing up their spouses, their kids, their co-workers and their bosses. They hardly ever suggest signing up themselves; however, the principles of effective listening suggest that when people complain about others not listening to them, they've probably not been listening very effectively to others. And I bet that you can guess how many people welcome that idea when it's brought to their attention. Communication is circular. We usually send a message because we're hoping for a certain response. But too often we don't consider how our messages must be sent to insure that we get our desired response.
When you see an attractive girl, you walk up to her and start a conversation. Things seem to go smoothly, she's responding well but later, all of a sudden, you run out of stuff to say! And the awkward pause ensues. And before you know it, the girl excuses herself and walk away. Is the scenario sound familiar? You are not alone, this type of thing happens all the time. And it typically happens because guys just don't know how to talk to girls! They may have their first couple of lines ready to go to get the conversation started, but after a while, they are just winging it. But all too often, when it gets to the point where they have to talk to the girl, and they don't have anything already thought out, their brain stall, and the conversation dies on natural death.
Do you sometimes feel that you can't seem to talk to your man about anything anymore? The feeling is probably more profound when you still remember clearly what he used to be - someone you could talk to anytime about your feelings and fears. Then, suddenly, anything you talk about regarding your relationship seems to tick him off so easily. As the communication gap grows, you begin to feel more and more uncertain about the relationship you share with this man. The truth is that men really aren't that vocal when it comes to their emotions, and would much rather bottle up everything within their own psyches. Any attempt to pry into their emotions will naturally merit a hostile response - and the more you do it, the worse it becomes.
Winning Is Giving - Do You Give Too Much To Your Children, Mate, Colleagues, or Other Relationships?
Do you give too much to other people, and get little back from them? If you do, read these 4 points to discover how to get back the money, time, effort and love it may be costing you. Point 1 - Understand that giving too much to the people in your life does not help them. And it does not help you. When you give too much to others, it tends to makes them dependent on you and weaken them. But, it can weaken you also because giving too much is likely to be draining of your energy. Furthermore, they can become spoiled and become increasingly demanding of you. Most surprising is that the people you give too much to may resent you. The remaining 3 points can help you even out the giving process to get more back in return.
Stare him down. Make eye contact and keep it while talking to him. Keep eye contact during the entire conversation, and stop speaking if he looks away. He will realize that you are trying to make sure you remembers what you are saying. And as a result of your body language, he will make his best effort not to forget. Don't try to multi-task while talking to him. Stop whatever you're doing and simply look at him while you're speaking. This will clue him in that what you're saying is important, and he is likely to be less distracted. Do not speak to him when he is distracted by television or his computer, etc. Tell him you're trying to have an important conversation and that you would appreciate it if he would not watch TV, read, or work on the computer while you're speaking to him.